Watching Mom Go

Now that I’ve lost I don’t know where to go.

I don’t know where ANYTHING will go.

 Uncertainty always was a real bitch.

I know who I am and I’m beginning to feel it again, but mom’s gone and she’s never coming back. 

I think I just realized this and I want to be with her again.

 I remember exactly how it felt to sit on that hospital bed holding her tiny hand and hearing that I looked just like her. 

 I saw her smile and I smiled too because she was always so pretty. 

Then the glass started breaking and fuses started blowing and I stood beside her.

 I couldn’t sit because of all the machines.  

I still held her hand.

 It was harder this time because she had needles stuck in her hands and tape holding them on 

and she looked so sick that no one could really say that I looked like her.

 She couldn’t smile with a tube down her throat 

she couldn’t look at me while she was on life support.

 I talked to her and she heard me 

 she squeezed my hand and i wonder if there was something she wanted to say.

 Then all of her children left but my dad stayed and I guess she felt like leaving too. 

With every bit of hope that I had left I looked at her and kissed her forehead

 I told her I loved her and I’d see her tomorrow morning. 

There would be no tomorrow. 

Only a couple of hours more of that loud afternoon.